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FAQs for potential immigrants

Most of the UK's new immigrants have been welcomed to our shores with open arms and they appreciate the benefits of settling here. For those with any doubts, these reassurances are given to make your decision easier.

  1. When you escape the oppression in your own country, you will find that the British government also operates an oppressive policy but this is aimed only at our native population. All incoming races are allowed the right to speak freely and hold unlimited protest demonstrations.
  2. Immigration controls are in effect at all major ports and airports but they don't appear to be too efficient as umpteen million people have already evaded detection. If you chose to enter by one of the established routes, you will be required to undertake stringent tests to prove you have a good grasp of the English language. The words "social security" usually work well so please ensure you master this phase.
  3. If you understand maps, you will notice that the British Isles are completely surrounded by water. This means our coastline is considerably larger than most other European countries so there are plenty of landing places for small boats, rubber dinghies, inflatable paddling pools, etc. We have no immigration officers in such places so you should be able to land without difficulty. Once ashore, hide in the bushes until daylight and then make your way to the nearest social security office.
  4. Make sure you settle in a town controlled by a Labour council as they need your vote at the next election. Most councils are happy to provide you with housing and some will give you a very substantial contribution to the price of a house if you have ambitions to become a property tycoon.
  5. Shortly after arriving, tell the local authorities that you are afraid to travel on public transport as people gave you funny looks when you caught a bus. You will be given a cheque to cover the purchase of a good second-hand car.
  6. If you have no employment skills, this is not a problem. You can either rely on the welfare state or you can set up as a freelance street trader. Drugs can be obtained easily for resale on the streets or you can sell illegally imported tobacco. Hot dogs and roasted chestnuts also seem to be very popular on the streets and you are not subject to health and hygiene regulations if you take this course.
  7. If you have a criminal background you will find the UK offers unlimited opportunities to continue your dishonest practises. And you can do so without too much fear of apprehension. If you are unfortunate enough to be caught, our courts are extremely lenient because our judiciary recognise they need to keep plentiful quantities of cells available for pensioners who cannot afford to pay their extortionate council tax bills.
  8. Whenever you need to explain actions that appear alien to native British people, insist that such actions are a mandatory requirement of your faith. Do not use Christianity for this purpose as some of our natives are practitioners.
  9. Our laws will always protect you against racial discrimination and you have the added advantage that these laws only operate in one direction. You are free to offend native Britons to your heart's content.
  10. Our government will fall over backwards to ensure you are forcibly integrated with existing inhabitants. All you have to do in return is vote for the Labour party, sometimes known as New Labour or Socialists. Do not be too concerned about getting to grips with these technical political titles - treat our political masters as dictators who are marginally better than those you have just escaped.
  11. Within a short time of arriving in the UK you can put yourself up for election to one of our local councils. If you are successful you are on the path to becoming an MP which will give you more opportunity to change our traditions and culture to suit your own.
  12. It is not true that our streets are paved with gold. The most popular commodities appear to be crack cocaine, heroin, etc.

Editorial Comment:

This article is not entirely factual since it is, in part, based on suspicions and hearsay. It does, however, reflect the views of many people who are concerned about the decline in British traditions and heritage and the fact that new legislation appears to be used against them.

Fortunately, the British sense of humour still prevails as depicted in this graphic showing the latest immigration control initiative at Dover ...


asylum

Visitors' Comments

Sally, Cheshire writes:

You are SO right...............

I know of a book that will be published soon, a book that certainly will put the cat amongst the pigeons! When I get details I'll add them - it would just reflect what we Brits truly feel...


Christine Jones, Pembroke writes:

Right on!! Time someone other than BNP and UKip told it like it is. I think the account was fairly accurate and my sense of humour is dying the same death that British culture is.

Roll on the revolution!!!



"Many men stumble across the truth ... but most manage to pick themselves up and continue as if nothing had happened."

Winston S Churchill


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